"Should you be taking your foot off the accelerator for a spell? If you sense that your best strategy is to lay low, don't talk yourself out of it." I always wonder how "they" know ... but time's winged chariot will whisk this precious time away before I know it (Week 1-and-a-half is gone!! at this posting, 3 weeks left) and I don't want to regret any lost chances to do things! Of course I am here to BE something, but it seems the two will never co-exist. It's the worse choice, but I give up the BEING part and just stay in the DOING part -- it doesn't feel OK, it feels like more of the same. But the whole situation is too overwhelming to give up the doing of things and seeing of people when there is a chance ... endless conflict.
But, like my good friend and Blog-Guru, Badaunt, I "do not normally write about my feelings here." I don't know what to do with my feelings, which keep threatening to bubble over somewhere. Maybe I can go to Pali Lookout and scream them into the wind as I toss a coin?
In the new book from the library, Paris Hangover, fluff after the dense, beautiful and powerful The Echo Maker, there are some insights via an American in living in Paris. Page 307. "[Here] it's not so important what you do, especially what you do for a living. It's just important that you be. Be in the moment, be who you are, be consistent in your rituals and habits instead of always chasing the trendy and new."
The other day, sitting on the outdoor balcony of the cafe at Borders, watching people with notebooks, computers, etc., realizing that in the Big City one drives to a place with a parking garage in order to hang out, the City Girl and the Country Girl had a bit of a face-off.
Sunday (2/10), after wallowing in the newspapers with Kona cafe au lait, I recycled, got gas, checked out the Farmers' Market at Manoa Marketplace, did the big sale at Longs (all this within 5 minutes of the house, so convenient),
swung by Walmart downtown and easily was back in time for leftover Egyptian curry for lunch. In the afternoon I cooked the beets, and made Edamame Salad from a recipe in the paper and goodies from the Farmers' Market -- dried cranberries instead of currants. So delicious for dinner (2/22: I haven't cooked anything since)! But I was barely able to stand up by 4, though not so really tired. Had to lie down the rest of the day, except for dinner. Stronger, but still not able to make it through a whole day (2/22: still not; 2/23: did not get out of pajamas all day). Maybe more Being is in the cards?
3 comments:
How about visiting a "holy place" on the island somewhere? The wisdom of the ancients in picking locations for their temples/shrines/churches/stone circles is amazing. I visited Shoshazan (the holy mountain in Himeji where The Last Samurai was shot) on NYE. I came done the mountain in the wee hours of January 1st feeling strangely cleansed, serene and content. I didn't know what I would find before going, but I sure did find something; just don't know exactly what, yet. But I get the feeling that it isn't important knowing the answer to that. It is the feeling that is important.
Wow, hadn't thought of that. Turns out it is Puu O Mahuka Heiau,
http://www.hawaiiweb.com/html/hiking/puu_o_mahuka_heiau.html
About an hour and a half from here one way, I'll look into it. "Cleansed, serene, and content" would be good.
You are definitely going to need your hat and sunscreen, if you go to Puu O Mahuka Heiau. But it seems perfect. Walk around, find a spot that does something to you, and just sit and be. Look out over that beautiful ocean. I hope it works for you.
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